


Anniversary

by AnotherLostSoul



Series: With or Without you [1]
Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Afterlife, Bottom L, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Fluff and Angst, Guilt, He told lights family he was kira, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kira Victims unite!, L is a Dick, L judges Light's soul, Light pays the price for being Kira, Light suffers big time, Love/Hate, M/M, MU, Matsuda Is An Idiot, Post-Canon, Psychological Torture, Retribution, So does L because he loves Light, They killed themselves, Top Yagami Light, but can you blame him?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 07:53:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16740061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherLostSoul/pseuds/AnotherLostSoul
Summary: After L’s death, Light finds the New World he  worked so hard for to be hollow and meaningless. With or Without L, his life will never be the same again… but what about his death? What does the afterlife have in store for the self-proclaimed 'God of the New world'?





	Anniversary

**Author's Note:**

> I love writing, and I hope the people who are reading this enjoy it. If you do and would like me to continue, then please leave a comment- too many readers of fanfiction just read and offer no feedback- support the community of writers and GIVE FEEDBACK to them! Thank you (PSA DONE)  
> ~ALS~

 

 

 

Misa Amane was tucked away in their apartment, kept content by Light’s promise of having dinner with her later that evening. He was a busy man, and she had to respect he had a lot on his plate. He was L and Kira, two conflicting roles that took a lot of time and energy to exercise effectively.

Light let out a sigh as his eyes drifted over his coworkers. Mogi and Aizawa were working hard as usual but Matsuda was yapping away on his phone in an obnoxiously loud manner.

‘L would have _kicked_ him for that’ Light found himself thinking and as with every thought of L, he felt that dreaded twinge of guilt and sadness claw at his gut.

‘I miss him. I miss him so much. I had to get rid of him, but I had no idea it would hurt like this’ Light rubbed at his eyes and returned his gaze back to his computer screen to distract himself from *those* thoughts. He was waiting for N to get in contact.

‘N. Nothing but a cheap imitation of L. He has the nerve to call himself L’s true successor. Yeah right,’ Light realized he had let his anger bleed into his features and smoothed his face back into its usual calm mask. Every second of every day he felt his team’s eyes on him, and every expression he made or words he spoke were being judged. They had all accepted him since L had named him the person most capable to succeed him before he had died, but he could detect the unease in their eyes. They missed Ryuzaki.

Light felt tired. Not in the physical sense of the word but tired emotionally. He had always prided himself on his acting ability and tenacity to see things through but leading this double life was draining him brutally.

But he had to keep going. Giving in was not an option. L had died for him to achieve his vision, giving up now would render L’s death as null and void.

Light wondered if L would find that argument amusing. He supposed he would, in his own strange way.

‘Don’t keep going on my account, Light-Kun. You can’t handle being L and Kira. You’re physically and mentally exhausted. Near _will_ defeat you. What will become of you then? Do you even possess a soul anymore? Or did you sell it for the power you now wield so childishly? With or without you, Light-Kun, the world will stay the same, just as it always has. Stop deluding yourself with the idea of Godhood and accept the fact **JUSTICE WILL PREVAIL KIRA!** ’

Light startled awake, the image of Ryuzaki burned into his mind as he still heard the man’s impassioned speech ringing in his ears.

“Light-Kun… you okay?” Matsuda asked worriedly, peering down at him.

“I’m fine… must have just… nodded off” Light cleared his throat “Any chance of a cup of coffee?

Matsuda smiled and rushed off to make Light a drink. Light couldn’t help but remember the way L would imperiously hold out his cup to the man and look at him with expectant dark eyes. Matsuda would sigh and trudge off to do his bidding though, every single time.

 

 x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x

 

November 5th rolled around faster than Light had expected it too. One minute the realization the date was growing near entered his mind, and the next he was sitting at the dining table with Misa, the calendar on the wall reading ‘November 4th’

Misa was as vapid and obnoxious as ever. She chattered about her latest makeup campaign while Light chewed sullenly on her bland and tasteless cooking. He hated nights like these, where he would have to stay in and play house just to keep Misa happy. He wished he had never met the idiot. His life would have been a lot easier.

“Say, Light, do you want to go to the movies or something tomorrow?” Misa simpered as she re-filled Light’s wine glass “There’s this really good-”

“You know I will have to work late tomorrow. Honestly, Misa” Light sighed as he pushed his plate away “Thank you for dinner, it was lovely. I’m going to take a shower”

Light didn’t wait to be excused and walked away from a dumbfounded Misa and up the stairs to the bathroom. Ryuk was lingering in the hallway, cackling about ‘wedded bliss’ but Light paid him no attention. Most of the time it was easier to pretend Ryuk wasn’t there.

As he showered Light found himself thinking of L again. It would be six years to the day since L had died tomorrow. Six years. L had died when he had just turned 25. Light himself was now 24 and the seven years that had once been between their ages suddenly didn’t seem so vast at all.

‘You wanted him, even then when you thought he was creepy and too old for you’ Light’s brain snickered spitefully ‘Now he’s been dead a few years you _still_ want the guy!’

Light banged his fist against the tiles in frustration. He needed to shut that snide little voice up before it drove him mad. He washed himself with brutal efficiency, enjoying the sensation of his skin prickling as he rubbed the loofah too hard. He had to hold it together. He was on the very cusp of achieving his dreams. Mikami and Takada were his loyal puppets, and the game was drawing to a close with Near. He knew he had only to grit his teeth for a few more weeks and it would all be over. He would destroy Near and his pathetic team. He could endure.

Light finished up in the shower and sighed again as he heard Misa banging around in the bedroom. No doubt she would be putting something cute and skimpy on to try and lure him to bed.

The thought made his skin crawl with revulsion. It wasn’t often he had to sleep with Misa or Takada, but every time he did he viewed it as a necessary action to keep them in line. It was an ordeal, and he often found himself unable to ‘finish’ unless he allowed himself to cross the dangerous boundary into fantasizing about L…

‘I need to stop doing that’ Light thought, though he knew it was unlikely. It was the only thing that made his trysts with the two women in his life bearable. It was the only time he allowed himself to dream of what could have been between himself and L.

“Liiiiight! MisaMisa is waiting for yooooooou!”

Light cringed as Ryuk burst into laughter, his shark-like teeth glinting evilly in the dim light.

“Go and make yourself useful, Ryuk” Light whispered acidly “Check in with Takada and Mikami for me”

“What’s in it for me?” Ryuk asked at once, peering down at Light with his large yellow eyes.

“Apples, obviously” Light smirked “Misa’s going grocery shopping tomorrow. If you do as I ask, I will make sure she picks up some of those big red ones you like so much…”

Ryuk had phased out of the house so quickly Light nearly missed it. Good. That was one less thing for him to worry about.

“Liiiiight!”

“On my way” Light growled through gritted teeth. Getting rid of Misa Amane was the next objective on his agenda. He could not rule the world with that irritating creature hanging off his arm. Her time was nearly up and her usefulness to him had long been spent.

Light entered the bedroom and did his best to repress a shudder of revulsion as he saw what Misa was wearing. Some sheer lace number, shockingly pink and revealing more than it concealed.

“What do you think? I wore it on a shoot the other day and I thought you would like it too….” Misa hooked a finger in her mouth, attempting to look seductive and enticing. It made Light’s stomach flip in disgust. L always used to hook a finger in his mouth when he was debating something. The action seemed ridiculous when Misa did it. She scarcely thought about anything at all, so she had no right to imitate the actions of someone who had possessed a singularly brilliant mind.

“It looks great” Light replied flatly. He let Misa initiate things (simply because it was less effort for him) and found himself thinking about how pale and soft looking L’s skin had been. Translucent, under the harsh glare of the monitors. Light had been fascinated with it. More than once he had imagined how pretty that pale skin would look adorned with his bite marks…

“Oooh, Light” Misa squealed as Light thrust into her roughly. He didn’t want foreplay (he wasn’t even fully hard yet) he just wanted this over and done with.

Light kept his eyes shut as he pounded into her, blocking her out as much as he could as he imagined thrusting into L instead. If he tried hard enough, he could even block out her shrill moans and replace them with L’s deeper, breathier ones instead. He didn’t know what L would sound like, but he liked to imagine L would be a surprisingly unrestrained and vocal lover- at odds with his usual silent and reserved manner.

Yes, in bed, L would be needy and vocal. He would clutch onto Light and dig his nails into his skin and plead for him to go faster and harder.  

“Liiight!”

Light growled. He had been close then! He clenched his jaw and continued, trying desperately to summon up L's image and reach the end before Misa let one of those ear-splitting shrieks out again and ruined it.

‘Really, Light. I’m flattered…’

Light’s hips stuttered as he heard L’s drawl in his head.

‘But if you’re going to start something you should _finish it_ , Light-Kun’

Light snapped his hips forward as he imagined sucking L’s clever tongue into his mouth to shut him up. The image of kissing L and fucking him into the mattress to subdue him finally achieved the results Light was waiting for.

He let out a broken moan as he came, his eyes still tightly closed as he imagined L bucking and grinding against him as he found his own release…

Light collapsed heavily onto his side of the bed and drew in desperate lungfuls of air. He didn’t bother to ask Misa if she’d come.

“Wow! That was amazing!” Misa breathed, her eyes shining with adoration “You were really going for it!”

Light ‘hmm’d’ in response and checked his phone.

It was now November 5th.

‘I’m not doing anything, in particular, _it’s just I… hear the bell….’_

Light felt a sob rise in his throat and strangled it into submission. Misa cuddled up next to him and the anger he felt for her gave him the will to banish those thoughts from his mind.

November 5th was just another day. He would get up in a few hours and go to work. The world would keep turning, with or without L but he was Kira- He mattered in a way L never could.

Or so he tried to convince himself.

 

 

Leaving Misa with a cold kiss and a promise to ring her that he had no intentions of keeping, Light left the apartment and boarded his usual train.

He listened as a little girl showed her friend the news bulletin on her phone and smiled as she praised Kira for killing the bad man on television.

‘Yes, I am making the world a safer place for good people’ Light felt a wave of smug satisfaction. On his orders, Hatsuda Kenji, a convicted murderer, and bank robber had been stopped from ever reoffending the very day of his parole hearing.

He stood as his stop was announced and smiled at the little girl.

“Kira is making the world a better place, isn’t he?”

“Yes!” the girl nodded happily “I love Kira-Sama!”

Light nodded and got off the train. This station was near the cemetery L had been buried in. Next to it a small memorial shop sold flowers, cards, and incense for mourners to honor their dead. Light greeted the old lady pleasantly as his eyes drifted over the bouquets of flowers and incense.

He knew L was not Japanese and would probably not have appreciated it, but he selected some sweet-smelling incense sticks all the same. A bouquet of striking blue roses mixed in with lilies caught his attention. It stood out from the rest of the flowers, and he knew immediately it was something L might have chosen himself.

“I will have the blue roses please” Light reached for his wallet. His eyes watered a little as the lady told him the price but he handed over the money.

Only the best for L. Lawliet.

Light thanked the lady and carefully placed his expensive flowers in his arms. The crematory was quiet considering it was early in the morning, so Light took his time in appreciating the quiet tranquility of the crematory as he slowly made his way to L’s resting place.

It was a simple white cross, with no name identifying it and no flowers decorating it. When L had died the taskforce had clubbed together to buy a wreath, but Light suspected L would not have liked the orange lilies and yellow carnations used in it.

Watari’s body had been flown back to the UK as per his wishes, but L had stated flatly he could be buried or burned in whichever country he happened to expire in. He held no sentiments as to where his final resting place would be.

‘He was an atheist. He probably didn’t believe in an afterlife either. If there are such places as Heaven or Hell, neither of us will get to see them.’ Light peered at L’s gravestone with a keen sense of nostalgia. What he wouldn’t give to debate philosophy with L once again…

Light gently laid the bouquet against the headstone and inserted three sticks of incense into the soft earth. He tried not to think about L's body rotting six feet below him. He tried not to feel the overwhelming sickness that always came when he remembered *he* had put him there.

“Hey, L. Been another year… I still miss you. I guess I’m talking to myself but sometimes I swear I can still feel you next to me. I think about you all the time. You would probably be smirking at me and calling me a narcissistic bastard for mourning your death when I…” Light lowered his voice “Killed you…”

A crow cawed from it’s perch in a nearby tree and Light shuddered. L had once remarked he had a fondness for those birds. A shiver zipped up his spine as the crow’s beady black eyes fixed on him. The bird ruffled its feathers and took to the sky, as if to show it was not interested in what Light had to say in the slightest.

“I... have to go, I’m probably going to be late” Light blew out the incense, the sickeningly sweet smell like a punch to the gut. Sweet things. Crows. Blue roses. L. L. L!

 _‘What a paranoid and suspicious mind you have, Light-Kun’_ ‘L’ mocked as Light hurried away from the grave _‘Still feeling like I’m watching your every move are you? You might be right about that…Maybe I am…’_

Light startled as he heard a flutter of wings. He spun round to glance at L’s grave and nearly had a heart attack as he saw the crow perched proudly atop the cross. It stared at him with a keen intelligence it should not possess.

He ran.

By the time he made it to HQ his body was covered in a thin sheen of cold sweat and he felt nauseous. He couldn’t get the crow’s knowing black gaze out of his mind.

He had felt like he was peering straight into *his* eyes again.

Aizawa greeted him stiffly by informing him N had been in contact and was expecting a call back from ‘L number 2’ immediately.

Light grit his teeth and confirmed he would call N back as soon as he’d had the chance to get a cup of coffee and take his coat off.

As he settled into his regular daily routine, Light made a point of smiling brighter and laughing louder at Matsuda’s jokes. He even rang Misa. He projected on the outside what he wasn’t feeling on the inside: happiness, calm and confidence.

His phone rang again and Light composed himself. Near wanted to arrange a meeting…

 

 

January 28th.

 

The day his dreams of a New World died, shattered into pieces with the roaring of a gun.

Despite everything, he had failed. His sacrifices, his careful planning, his determination! It had all been ripped apart by a smiling white-haired **CHILD!**

Light struggled for breath as he hobbled along the bridge. His wounds were dripping blood onto the ground but no one was around to see. The cars zipped past him, their occupants either unaware or simply not caring about the bleeding young man as he struggled along.

‘He beat me. He beat *ME!*” The anger gave him the strength to keep moving. Mikami was dead and Takada was dead, but despite everything, he was still alive. He had a chance if only he could shake off the SPK and taskforce.

He could make it. This couldn’t be how it would all end, it would be too cruel.

The warehouse district seemed a good of a place as any to lay low. He needed to see what he could do to patch his wounds up. He would not die, if he could still walk with six bullets embedded in him then he would not die. He couldn’t afford to die.

Ryuk watched Light struggle on with a grin of satisfaction on his face. Despite everything the human was still trying in vain to move forward, to survive…

“You lost Light… despite what you're trying to convince yourself…you won’t survive!” Ryuk pulled out his Death Note and waited for Light to choose the place in which he would die.

The Shinigami smirked at the irony of Light’s choice as he collapsed halfway up a flight of stairs.

“You’ll die here… well, Light, it’s been interesting… we killed each other’s boredom for quite a while…” he finally wrote the name he had been waiting six years to write: Light Yagami.

Light cried out in startled pain as he felt his heart seize up in his chest.

‘It hurts! It hurts! I don’t want to die! I don’t want to die!’ Light screamed in his head as another pang of sheer agony hit him, his chest feeling like it was on fire as the heart attack moved closer to taking his life.

‘I made L suffer this! I’m sorry! I’m sorry L!’

Light’s eyes flickered open as he heard a husky laugh.

“Well, Light-Kun, it’s better late than never, but you will have to forgive me if I don’t accept the apology”

Light opened his mouth to speak, but he was frozen in terrified wonder as his dying eyes beheld L’s smirking face.

“L…” he managed to croak out, reaching a hand out to the slouched figure who stood illuminated by a soft white light. L remained still, his dark eyes fixed heavily on Light’s until his eyes flickered closed. He had no breath left in his body.

“Game over, Kira-Kun. Justice will always prevail, just as I said it would” L said softly.

Light chocked on his last breath and slumped back against the unforgiving metal of the staircase.

L watched as Light’s face relaxed into the peaceful mask of death and sighed heavily.

Light may have thought things were at an end, but it was only just the beginning. Now that he was dead, Light would have to face judgment.

 **HIS** judgment.

“See you soon, Light-Kun” L smiled sadly and bid farewell to the corpse, just as Matsuda and Aizawa burst into the warehouse with their guns drawn.

Both men slowly put them away as they beheld the pitiful figure of a bullet-strewn Light Yagami, lying halfway up a flight of stairs.

“Doesn’t look very godlike to me” Aizawa shook his head “it’s over. Go tell the others”

Matsuda seemed frozen as he looked down upon the corpse of the man he had once called his friend. Ryuzaki had been right all along, Light was Kira.

“Matsuda! Go and tell the others” Aizawa snapped, his sharp tone making the younger officer jump to attention.

Aizawa smiled grimly as he noticed a large black crow land near Light’s body. It did not peck at it as expected but merely looked at him with inquisitive dark eyes.

“Well, Ryuzaki. Have at him, hope you make him pay for what he did to you. For what he’s done to everyone.”

The crow cawed back in response, it’s shrill cry ringing through the warehouse like the strike of a bell. Aizawa smiled. He knew in his heart Ryuzaki had somehow heard him. The crow swooped through the open door and up into the sky, it’s small black body a smudge against the burnt orange sunset. Aizawa watched it fly higher until it became a speck against the sky, and then nothing at all…


End file.
